From the desk of the acclaimed Hindu statesman

Resignation of India’s cricket coach Kirsten demanded by Hindus for sex encouragement

Hindus have demanded immediate resignation of India’s cricket coach Gary Kirsten for attacking the moral fiber of the country by reportedly encouraging sex indulgence among the nation’s cricket players in a dossier, claiming it increased performance.

Acclaimed Hindu statesman Rajan Zed, in a statement in Nevada (USA) today, said that India’s youth looked up to the cricket players as kind of role models. If the national cricket team indulged in undisciplined casual sex, it was a scary thought to imagine what the rest of the youth of the country would do.

Moreover, in Hinduism, women were revered. Kirsten appeared to be indirectly hinting the team and resultantly others to use women as a kind of gym equipment to become fit as a pre-match preparation strategy to win the match, which was unacceptable, Zed, who is president of Universal Society of Hinduism, argued.

Rajan Zed further said that ancient Upanishads considered sex as sacred and sexual desire only partly physical. It was envisioned as a spiritual force—high octane, creative, and pure energy. Continence was the transformation. Hindu ethics taught us restraint, physical discipline, self-control, abstinence from sensuality, and purity. Continence was one of the recognized virtues in Upanishads; Patanjali also listed it as a virtue around second century BCE; and various Hindu texts described it as one of the six-accomplishments (shatsampat).

Zed urged other religious leaders of India also to express their opinions on this internationally important issue.

Offered up without comment.

PS: Judging by the responses, I guess I need to say this: I didn’t make one word of that up; it comes to you in the exact same shape and form it landed in my mailbox, straight from the Arizona habitat of the acclaimed spokesman.

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