Rack and roll

Must be a sign of the times: these days, I find myself turning increasingly to television for my daily dose of humor. Last evening’s quota was filled by the sight of Shobha De and Chetan Bhagat paneling on a discussion on Tharoor, hearing Mandira Bedi solemnly assure anyone who would listen that there will be “transparency from now on”,  and by seeing Vijay Mallya [whose step daughter Laila Mahmood’s connection with Modi was recently in the news] appear on multiple TV channels as Lalit Modi’s PR agent in chief. [While on Laila, the media is yet to make a ‘story’ out of the family-and-friends affair that is the IPL: Amar, Inderjit Singh Bindra’s son, and his role at KXIP; Poorna, Praful Patel’s daughter, who ‘looks after’ marketing from Modi’s office, and so on].

This morning, the fun is in the headlines: CNN-IBN cites “sources” as saying that Sharad Pawar has told Lalit Modi that he is in a “difficul position”. What the hell is that supposed to mean? “Sorry, dude, supporting your shenanigans when it was all sub rosa is one thing, but I can’t stick my neck out for you now that the excreta has hit the ceiling fan”?

CNN-IBN [not suggesting by the way that it leads the pack in silliness — just that the TV closest to me happens to be tuned to that channel, so I am getting this stuff by default] also cites “sources” as saying, and this is a verbatim quote, “BCCI suspects Modi of financial irregularities”.

No shit, Sherlock?! You could have knocked me dead with the proverbial feather.

Seriously, is that the best the channel’s “sources” can do?

Over the past 24 hours, much has changed. Shashank Manohar, the man Sharad Pawar had hand-picked to succeed him as BCCI chief, has fallen out with his mentor, and is now leading the anti-Pawar camp.

That camp has grown in strength over the last day [hence Pawar’s move to put daylight between himself and Modi] and now dominates the BCCI; it is that camp that over the past 12 hours arrived at certain decisions that increasingly seem irrevocable. Sure, they have governing council and executive committee and other bodies scheduled to meet to ‘discuss’ the affair and to allow Modi to make his case — file that under going-through-the-motions, since everything that has to be decided already has been.

To wit: 1. The board has moved beyond its original intent to trim Lalit Modi to size, and is now determined to get rid of him before the stain spreads to their own lily white liveries. The choice LKM is being given is to exit the stage in his own way before the end of IPL-3, or go through the ignominy of being turfed out in unceremonious fashion. 2. Shashank Manohar, whose term as BCCI president ends in September, will move into the chair of IPL commissioner and in tandem with N Srinivasan, will become de facto decision makers on all things IPL and BCCI. 3. In the interests of hanging Modi out to dry as early as possible, and thus turning the heat off the board, BCCI honchos behind the scenes will help investigating agencies by pointing them at where some bodies are buried.

Once Modi is out, the GoIs investigating agencies will “take action” on some of his scams, while conveniently finding “no concrete evidence” of others. It is in everyone’s interests to make an example of the man, but it is in nobody’s interests to probe too deep, especially into the business of franchises run by high profile industrialists and such who routinely pump money into the Congress party’s electoral coffers.

Notice, meanwhile, that the IT, ED and other investigative departments are leaking like a public toilet — a clear indication of the government’s playbook [officials leak with such regularity only when they have the ministerial nod to turn up the decibel count]. The GoI will in public go hot and heavy after Modi; below the surface, the real play will be aimed at embarrassing the BJP massively over Modi’s multiple scams in Rajasthan when Vasundhara Raje ruled the state, and slipping a very tight leash around Pawar’s neck to hold the NCP satrap and his party in line.

What, you thought this sudden zeal to “get to the bottom” of an IPL mess the FinMin had been aware of for months now was because the government is hell bent on eradicating corruption? Corruption is good, from a realpolitik point of view; proof of corruption is even better since it gives governments a means to mould otherwise intractable clay to their own purposes.

Since it is in the government’s interests to let this play out in the media, the spate of daily front page headlines in print and “sources” whispering assorted inanities into the ears of cable television will continue, creating the impression that events are moving with the speeded-up velocity of a cartoon flick. In reality, though, the play has been called, the final picture has been painted, and all concerned are now in go-through-the-motions phase.

In passing, the likes of Lalu Yadav — who has quietly converted the Bihar Cricket Association into his personal fiefdom — are now calling for a government takeover of the BCCI. Laugh, that you may not weep — what is required is professional management of the board, not its death by slow government poison. The suggestion has led to one of the most amusing hashtags on Twitter. Statutory warning: some of the posts are laugh out loud funny, hence not perhaps suited for open plan offices.


29 thoughts on “Rack and roll

  1. Pingback: links for 2010-04-20 « Unjustly

  2. None of the others are as good as extortionists as Modi. So because of the controversy and the exit of Modi, the value of the teams should come down sharply. Whatever little chance of making profit must surely be gone now. Since the last two teams paid the most, they are likely to lose the most.

    Sahara may be big enough to take a hit of some tens of millions of dollars. The owners of Rendezvous are certainly not in that happy position. So is there a possibility that they will be prepared to drop out of the IPL, thus enabling Modi to achieve in exile what he couldn’t do when he was the king ?

  3. Superb post as usual. Incisive! waiting for the gang-bang starring NCP, BJP & Congress…did not have the slightest doubt that the NCP strongman was behind this shitfest right from day one!

  4. I received a forwarded email regarding the Swami Nityananda scandal and how the Christian missionaries are involved in the frame up. What i found interesting in that mail was the role the media stations play and their action – threats to show things in a sensational light. No attempt being made by the media to get to know the truth. It reminded me of an article you had written a while back about the ISRO scientists being framed in Kerala and the media being irresponsible and just playing along. Some things never change!!!

  5. Pingback: Will Lalit Modi resign today? :: Good Cricket Wicket

  6. How about a post on the CSK-PKXI game and Dhoni’s finishing? An article on why we love cricket as opposed to why we detest the jokers that run it.

    • I’ll leave the cricket posts to the semis and finals, mate. Been watching only in little bits — somehow turned off the whole IPL circus, this season.

    • Because of the Pawar connection. Next thing to surface on that front will be the names of those who were part of Adani’s bid.

  7. “No shit, Sherlock? You could have knocked me dead with the proverbial feather” exactly that was the feeling.

    And yes great analysis as always. Now a days hooked on to Smoke Signals.

    • Pawar sided with Modi because he had his finger deep in the IPL pie, with LKM’s blessings. Manohar, besides being a bit of a stickler, wasn’t too enamored of how LKM tended to treat the BCCI like dirt, with Pawar’s blessings.

  8. “I find myself turning increasingly to television for my daily dose of humor.”
    I turn to SS for my daily dose of humor.

    ” Mandira Bedi solemnly assure anyone who would listen that there will be “transparency from now on”” Has she asked her costume designer to go only for transparent clothing from now on?

  9. Is Modi’s resignation going to be telecast Live on Set Max – with Maxx mobile Strategic Timeout thrown in for some much needed advertisement time. L. Siva and Russel Arnold doing Live commentary of the event will make it a Citi Moment of Success

  10. This is just so typical, isn’t it? Let heads role rather than clean the mess. The same thing happened with Chappell-Ganguly spat. Sack both of them and Indian cricket will be fine.

    This will be in headlines for the next 2 days probably till some Sania-Shoaib-esque triviality takes over page-1 and the 2/3rds of the news telecasts. Then everything is forgotten and we can get back to business (literally).

    Afterthought: Considering Srinivasan was vehemently opposing auctions before the start of season 4 and Srinivasan and Shashank going to be at the helm of affairs, the auction rules are going to be in line with what the existing franchises want. Which means the 2 new teams which have paid in excess of INR 1000 cr are going to be in deep deep shite!

  11. Thanks all for the kind words re the series of posts on IPL. Been tough to take time out, but increasingly the knee jerk nature of coverage on TV and print got me to thinking this needs doing. Glad, seriously, that it proves useful.

  12. Prem…your pieces have become my one stop solution for all the updates re IPL.

    So looks like in the coming days, BJP is gonna get slaughtered over Modi’s acquaintance with Vasundhara Raje. Was funny how Lalu and Mulayam talk nonsense and everybody else listens. Sad state of affairs.

  13. Hello Prem,

    As usual, briliant analysis.

    One correction: Modi is in “difficult position” and not different position — according to the “sources” of CNN IBN.


  14. what about the clowns hosting the set max show? They are also part of the IPL family ..Angad bedi – son of bishen bedi

  15. great post as always. i think i speak for many when i say that Smoke Signals has become the de facto repository of all things IPL that you wanted to know but didn’t know where to find.
    i really wonder why not a single mainstream television channel or newspaper or even website cannot come out with such pieces.

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